Things I’ve Learned Since Friday
1. No matter how hard I try, my nephew’s hand will not stop growing and is indeed, bigger than mine.
2. I can still kick his ass at Air Hockey. Side note, why isn’t Air Hockey and Olympic Sport? When I mean I would DOMINATE, I mean like total domination. Small Pox styles.
3. My knowledge of the Spanish language is beyond reprehensible. Spending time with Roberto’s parents and realizing I am only confident in saying things like “gracias” and “Si” makes me want to bury my head in the sand. Pardon me, arena.
4. Nothing turns my holiday spirit to holiday rage faster than perfume spritzing store employees or holiday music. M by Mariah Carey does not smell like gardenias. It smells like death, a subway car with no air conditioning in the middle of a heat wave and old spice. A rap version of Jingle Bell Rock? Et tu Reverend Run?
5. My mom and I could’ve won Shop Til You Drop blindfolded and gagged if it was still on air.
6. If you have a dream where you are being eaten alive by tiny fish, it means Baxter is licking your toes.
7. For those of you who watched Wizard of Oz this weekend, I have no clue what a ding-a-dairy is either.
8. Amanda and I want to murder the new Marketing Director of Pier 1. The commercials make me want to smash ornaments against my forehead, then choke on candy canes.
9. I uh, miss Matthew.
10. Whenever I go to the Fahey’s I get sleepy. Not because its boring, but because I feel so comfortable there.
